Just some thoughts late one night...

As I can’t sleep tonight, and my mind wonders far over the ocean to a little girl I have never met, yet love with all my heart. I wonder if she is aware of the adoption.   I pray that the Orphanage or her foster parents are preparing her at least a little.....

The changes coming in her life are immense.  Imagine if you will being taken away from all that you know ( good or bad) smells,  surroundings,  "family" ( whether orphanage or foster) .  A five year old child can only comprehend so much.  My heart hurts thinking about what she may /will be going thru. I felt the same way when  H was adopted, and it left a profound mark on me.  The little one is much older, than H was, and has 5 years of life experiences.  I cannot ignore that, because I have to accept the holistic child and understand that actions and reactions that I may experience with her is part of who she is already becoming.  The   guide  to new behavior will have to take all of that into account.


 The first time I saw the little one's picture, I fell in love.  Now that we have our LOA,  I can’t' stop thinking about her, and of course how this little one will change our lives.  I guess you can say that I am in my 9th month  as all new mothers , whether giving birth or adoption,  feel a certain bit of anxiety of the newest arrival.   We are all so ready to have our little ones in our arms, and we are so tired of waiting and all the questions from well meaning friends and family, we are just ready to be at home with them.

 I have been thinking a great deal about our first year knowing that it will probably be especially hard. A 5 year old comes with much already learned.  Don't kid yourself -it will be difficult.  I think about the language barrier, getting two kids ready for school, I think about homework and soccer practice and all the "stuff" all over the house with two girls.  I think about picking up from school, and working all day and what ifs....  All that silly stuff that will take care of itself once we get home and establish a routine.

If you know me, you know that I  am fairly well organized, and that  have a plan for the plan.  I am also a bit of a worrier, though with age I have gotten better. (OK maybe not.. I just hide it better) 
  I have learned thru the last couple of years to let certain things go, and hand them over to HIM.
 
  My prayers are that we ALL adjust to each other, and that we mesh well.   I pray that H and her little sister take care of each other, and that both girls never feel resentful towards each other or me.   I pray that the little one feels safe and learns to trust us, and knows how much she is loved.  I pray that I make good choices for her medical needs as we learn about it all thru the wonderful people at Scottish Rite and Children's.   I think the list of prayer request is long, and I feel a little greedy asking for all of this.  I typically pray for patience in general ... rarely do I ask for specifics... I guess today I am. 

I have so much to be thankful for.... I know I do, and I am.  As I sit here and write this, I think about and am overwhelmed at the support of my friends and family.  I know that some do not agree with my choice to adopt again, especially as an "older mom" and a single mom, but even the skeptics in my circle support me because they care about H and I... I cannot put into words how appreciative I am....
I am very, very blessed.