I am always very curious at people’s reactions and thought process when I tell them I am taking off for 12 weeks. Of course I get, the "well, you must have a trust account" to "I could never afford to do that".... which I expect. But I don’t expect the attitude that comes with it the majority of the time. It’s almost as if I have to apologize for being a planner and saving, and then taking 12 weeks off. FLMA was put in place to allow people to take care of family. This includes adopted kids, parents, spouses, etc.
Let’s look at what these 12 weeks of leave does not mean:
1.) It is not a vacation
2.) It’s not a time to "get things done" around the house
3.) It’s not a time to sit and watch soaps and TV all day long
Let’s look at what these 12 weeks of leave does mean:
1.) A time for a 5 and a half year old to bond, and vice versa a new mom to bond with that child. (This is not always the easiest thing)
2.) It’s a time to build trust and reassure a child that has lost ALL familiarity in her world, that it will be ok, and that I am not going anywhere. That we are a forever family
3.) It’s the time for Doctor's appointment at Children’s and Scottish Rite, for tests and all that is not pleasant
4.) It’s a time to build routines that are consistent and safe.
5.) It’s a time for all three of us to bond, as H will have a huge adjustment as well.
6.) It’s a time for grieving and letting go
7.) It’s a time to get the little one ready for Kindergarten, because she must feel safe and trusting enough to be able to go to school once the 12 weeks are over.
8.) It’s a time to establish new eating and sleeping routines ( this is huge)
9.) It’s a time of communicating when the language barrier is so high, that all of the above will take time.
10.) 100+ other things that I can’t even begin to list.
If you think any of the above 10 items are a vacation... I have news for you...it’s not. No, I am not at an office working on my computer making sure that clients are taken care of... I am home making sure that my family is bonding and trusting and safe. This will be the toughest "job" I will ever have.
I learned a few things with H and the time period when I was home with her. Granted it was 8 years ago, and she was much younger, but I still remember. There is such a thing as post adoption blues, which I had fairly bad. I didn’t know what it was until a friend pointed it out, and I realized that it existed. I thought I was just overwhelmed. I have made friends and my social worker be aware that this may happen again, and I am so much more aware. I learned that hugs and kisses and snuggling is the best medicine, even if they fight you. I have learned that PATIENCE is key…. If you lose your patience, walk into a different room, and take deep breaths. I have learned that friends are a key to helping you…. You have to be able to ask for help. However, ask help from parents that have been in your shoes does make it easier to get an ear that understands… I have learned that if you think you are going to get something off your to do list that’s been there for a while… is isn’t going to get done. I have learned that if they are sleeping, you sleep, because you may not make it thru the night. Night terrors are a common issue that comes up during the transition and they can last a while…..
So, I am not apologizing for taking this time. It’s necessary to build a strong family, to lay the foundation for my two daughters so that they can grow into adults that can trust, know right from wrong, and understand that this family is forever!
