Friday, September 28, 2012

Gotcha Day - August 27, 2012

It all seems so surreal now. All that anticipation, all that anxiety.  A month after Gotcha Day and we are at home,  the kids are playing and things are coming together with new routines and new dynamics of the family.

The morning of Gotcha Day, we were in Hefei, Anhui Province in  China. We were meeting our guide fairly early to ride over to the Civil Affairs Office. The ride took about 20 minutes, if that long.  We were not traveling in a group as its customary.  The agency I used for this adoption apparently doesn't do that. ( more on that later) . My friend and H gathered our things and made sure we had cameras, lollipops, stuffed animal, etc.   I remember looking at my friend and I said" finally here"... and I got teary eyed, we hugged and I felt very calm.

Once we got to the non-descript building,  we all piled out  of the van and waited forever for this elevator.   I remember it being soooooooo hot and muggy.  There was a little girl with her nanny (Ayi) also waiting.   She was very cute and we all knew that she would get her Forever family that morning as well.  Later in the hotel we learned that this little girl's forever family was from Spain, and was adjusting very well.

Once we got to the floor we were suppose to be on, we were lead to a room where there was a large table and little room.  It seem kind of strange for me, as there was little room to move around.  This time around the kids and the nannies ( Ayis) were lead in one by one, and families it seem, where staggered. This would have worked fine, except the family that was getting their child right after us came in early, so the photo opportunities for our Gotcha Day were a bit missed.

Anyway.... I saw Little One come in with an whole group of people.  Typically, the Orphanage Director or their Nannies bring them.  They stopped at the door because this other family was in the way, and Little One saw me, and recognized me..... because immediately, she turned to her Foster father and mother and went the other way. The foster father came in with four bags of her things, a notebook and a letter to Little One.   This is VERY unusual,  as typically the kids come with the clothes on their back and that is it.    I was touched, as all the things we had sent her since September were in the bags, well worn and the stuff animals well loved.

As the foster mother ( as I later learned) was comforting The Little One,  I had the opportunity to talk to the foster father.  I learned that she had been with this foster family since she was three weeks old.  The family worked for the orphanage and lived there as well.   She had a baby brother ( also foster) and older brother ( foster family's biological son) and a sister - also foster.  Her paperwork said she had been with her foster family a year, so this placed a completly different spin on the situation.  The foster father said that they have been preparing her and that they loved her very much.  This was so apparent and I am forever grateful to them.

To make a long story short,  We had to force the foster family to leave, as the Little One would not come to me.   It took 2 hours and finally H pulled out her I-touch and showed her Angry Birds. That was the best, and when the little one looked up, they had said good-bye and the foster family had left.   It did take another 45 minutes for her to calm down and then be able to take the official pictures and get down to the van to go back to the van.  Who would have thought that Angry Birds was universal?




During this time we learned that Little One screams,  bites, kicks and scratches with a full force.  I understand, as my heart was aching for her.   I will write more but will post pictures now, as that is what everyone wants to see.  The last picture that is posted here is that night in the hotel room, getting ready to go to sleep.  More later.......

A Perfect Opportunity - Missed

I was talking to my babysitter last night as she was introduced to the Little One and has been H's babysitter since she was 18 months old.  Actually she was one of H's first daycare teachers and thru the years I would consider us friends.   She is a wonderful young lady that I have seen grow and mature into this incredible person.  She put herself thru school and is now a third grade teacher.

Miss A and I always seem to talk about life in general, teaching, work,  and anything that comes to mind. Last night we were discussing ( among other things) our trip to China;  how H did on the trip,  the discussions, based on a 9 year old perspective, her and I had throughout the trip and overall the trip.

Its a shame that the Learning Opportunity for her classmates was completely missed.  H goes to a very small, though public school.  All her teachers, not to mention the school knew she went to China, as we have been talking about it for a year.  The curriculum is now taught towards the standardized test, and teachers are not  allowed to deviate from that.  Fourth grade is the  Texas History  year. ( I am still in wonder that you can fill a whole year with Texas History).

when Miss A and I talked about the learning opportunity that was missed, she and I agreed that it was a teaching moment we wished the teachers would have embraced.
Think about just the obvious things:

  • The time difference between China and Central Time.  H and I always did some great math trying to figure out what time it was in  TX, when in China it was......
  • Money conversions. The exchange rate was somewhere in the  neighborhood of 6.29.  Every time I went down to the front desk to exchange US dollars,  H would figure out how many Yuan we would get.   When we bought something, she would have to convert it the other way.  
  • H climbed the Great Wall.  This is one of the Seven Wonders of the world. It is magnificent, and we were in awe. We have pictures and learned a little history. 
  • China as a country. Our guide told us all kinds of facts that really are not found on Google.  Just tidbits from the different regions were visited. 
This is real world experience. I think its a shame that nothing was discussed,  no questions asked of H in school.  H missed two weeks of school, and she will not be penalized,  but at the same time,  I was hoping that someone would have her do a poster with things she learned, or pictures.  When I inquired, the response was, it did not fit into the curriculum.   Really??

H learned so much on this trip, that goes far beyond the multiple choice questions on her test.  Her grandparents live in Europe, and she now figures out for me if its a good time to call,  considering that they are ahead 6 hours.  ( just to name one thing) 

I think its up to us to take these opportunities and make sure that our kids did learn something, and remind them and have them discuss it with you.  Since we love to travel,  there will be many more, and I will do some schooling on my own, because to me real world is much more useful at times that multiple choice.  I think it has its place... but H got much more out of the trip than the two weeks of review in the first two weeks that occur. 



Friday, September 14, 2012

Its Been A Week...


Its been a week.  Typically we say this if it has been an awful,  cant wait to go home and crawl into bed type of week.  Well… it has been an eventful week.  As I write this, and look up to the clock, I realize it has been exactly a week that we landed back in the USA.  A wonderful set of friends and their kids greeted us at the airport with balloons and gifts for both H and “Little One”.  We had been on the go for 30 hours, slept very little, yet both girls were smiling,  and happy and I was humbled that friends made us feel so very welcome.

I cannot put into words my feelings. I have tried all week.  I have so much going thru my heart and mind. I look at both my girls and feel as if they have been mine forever. My heart sings when I hear H say   “mom Little One did…”It sounds kind of funny, but I have wanted this for so long, and I have prayed and waited patiently until it was right, and my path lead me where I am today. 

 Imagine a child at 5 years old, being ( in her eyes)  turned over to complete strangers.  All smells, food, people are completely foreign.  Yet this little one has managed to crawl into everyone’s heart that has met her.  She has grieved heavily.  In the mornings especially she has had big alligator tears, and lots of kicking me and scratching and lots of screaming.   I understand.  My heart  breaks, yet tonight she crawled up on my lap, called me mommy and held my hand while her and I watched a princess movie.

The week had its challenges.    Much of the frustration has come from the lack of being able to communicate.  She chatters in Chinese, I try to figure out what she wants, and we all get it wrong.  Google Translator has been a great help and has helped us get some of the basics across.  I keep thinking, “Has it only been a week?”  .  Today she repeated everything I said, and started using the words correctly when I asked her a question…. AMAZING!

We are all learning about each other. H is learning what it means to be a big sister. (This will be another post- but I am so very proud of her) . Little One is learning new routines, being very 5 and pushing boundaries, and really does not liking the word no. (I try not to say No, unless it’s a danger situation. ) I usually say “please don’t. “  It’s just as powerful with a full voice.  She is learning to trust, and attach and the dynamics of this little family.  I am learning her personally, her needs,  her vulnerabilities.  She is strong willed, smart and can be very affectionate. 
I am trying to keep her safe,  to  balance two girls needs,  to love each as individuals and to make sure I take care of myself.

Thank you friends for ALL the love and support, prayers that have come our way.  I truly believe that this made the difference… we are doing amazingly well I think!